What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
