If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
