You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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