Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
