I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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