so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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