My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
