We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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