My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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