just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
