I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
