I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
