Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my being single is dangerous.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
