two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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