Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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