I'm sorry my penis didn't work
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
