He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
