Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
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