he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He shit in the fireplace
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
