Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
