I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
