i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize