We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
