The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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