they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
