Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
