I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
