God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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