I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
