fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
