Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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