His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
