Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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