Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
