i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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