you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
