well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
