Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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