im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it glows. i had to have it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
