haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
