Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
