I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
