i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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