My Higher Power is John Stamos
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
