my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
nutella sex= disaster
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
