I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
