We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize