I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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