Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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