College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We left the knife in your bed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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