Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
