Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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