in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
