i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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