Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
