the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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