dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
