from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
