I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
