Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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