New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
