I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He shit in the fireplace
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize