That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
