WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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