So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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