She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
