Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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