Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I bet he comes in French.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize